What Can You Find When Life is Out of Your Control? Peace.
I haven't made a post in a while, mostly due to real life growing in craziness. And honestly, that's what I wanted to talk about today.
I'll be blunt about myself. I'm a control freak. I like having a Plan A in place, and if Plan A doesn't work, I have back up Plans B Through Plan Z. Prep Time. Having things, be it plans or tools, on hand to take care of whatever life throws at me. But the last year, God has really taken a hammer to my whole Control Freak Nature. And believe it's been honestly the biggest war between my flesh and spirit I've had since the Holy Spirit washed over me when I was 18 years old, calling me to the Father.
Those that may not know me reading this, I was born with one kidney, and up until spring of last year, I've kept it fairly well under control. That all changed with a doctor's visit, and my nephrologist informed me that my kidney function has started a slow decline, it was time to find a new kidney.
What?
I tried. I really did. I tried to work up a Plan A, which failed instantly, and continued on to failure of plan after plan, some times right off the drawing board. A prophetic friend of mine had told me some months prior that a storm was coming in my life. But I brushed it off. My faith in God and my prep time planning, I'd be good. Boy, was I wrong...
Testing, and testing, and hoop after hoop, and interesting yet frightening info as I researched to prepare myself. It wasn't till a couple months of struggle that I came to realize... I had no control over this at all. I could do nothing to stop my Kidney from degrading. I couldn't even make plans, because I had no idea how long I would be jumping through these blessed hoops, when I'd be finished and when/if I would be on the National Kidney Transplant Waiting List. And even then, I didn't know how long I would have to wait. But then, when God provided a donor, a dear sister in Christ who is showing in great deal what loving your neighbor as yourself looks like, every single plan was continued to be smashed as they kept throwing more and more tests at her...
I had NO IDEA what was going to happen tomorrow. or the next day. I couldn't prepare. I couldn't plan. I was helpless and honestly felt hopeless.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I had faith that God would see me through, I had faith that God allowed this for a reason. I even used it to reach loved ones I know who did not know the saving grace of Christ Jesus. but along with that, there was the control freak in me having a break down.
I asked myself every night... what was I going to do?
So, I finally did what I should have done to begin with. I realized, the control freak was a fantasy. all those prep time plans, all those schedules, all those ideas and plans, God simply allowed me to have my way for a season. And he was using this to not hurt me. he wasn't unfaithful or unforgiving. He was teaching me. He was sanctifying me. He was making me who I need to be going forward.
When I was praying and asking why this was going on... God turned me to proverbs. and this hit me right between the eyes... "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." (Proverbs 19:11)
Many were the plans in my mind. But end of the day... it's God's purpose that'll happen.
Not to go political, but why is it so many Christians in America say they have complete faith in God, but completely freak out at the thought of what would happen if Hillary Clinton had been elected? Why are others, like me, nervous about what President Trump is going to do or tweet next? Why are we so concern about even our "Rights"? God never promised us right to anything. He never even promised right to worship. The very first church met in secret, because they were being hunted by the government. No, he never promised us any of that, BUT he promised to be faithful. He promised to see us through to however it ends. He promised to be right with us.
He never promised that I wouldn't struggle with my kidney disease. He never promised to heal me instantly with no pain or suffering. He never promised an easy pain-free road. But he promised to walk it with us, he promised to be right by our side, around us and within us, all the way.
Isaiah wrote "He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
In Philippians 4, Paul testified, "And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus" note, our needs. We won't get all our wants. but we will have our needs met.
Jesus himself promised in the Gospel of John, chapter 14: "I am leaving you with a gift- Peace of Mind and Heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
Are things ever going to go the way I plan? Sometimes. Sometimes not. But one thing I have come to learn. HE is God and I am not. His plans will never fail. His promises will never fade. And I am His son, and with that I have been given a peace in the heart of chaos. Because yes, insanity happens in this fallen world. But it is not beyond his control, and he allows it for reasons beyond our simple human understandings. Sometimes he allows us to look back and see what blessings were formed from our trials and troubles. Sometimes they're used to bless others, to be a light and guide for someone who was in the same mess we were, other times, like I'm certain this past year has been for me, it is to sanctify me, to teach me to let loose of my own control (which I am still wrestling with by the way) and allow us to submit to the leadership of the Father. I'm not in the image of Christ yet by no means, but looking back over the last year, I can see the changes in my life, the positive changes. And I know they're of God. It took a storm, one I'm not out of just yet, but there is reason. there is purpose. there is Hope. And all of it is in Christ Jesus.
I close in asking prayer for my kidney transplant surgery, which God has provided through a dear sister in Christ willing to give of herself out of love for me. The date is scheduled for August 15, 2017. My soul is excited but my flesh is fearful. so pray for me, pray for my donor, Debbie Cate, the doctors and nurses involved in our surgery, and pray for our families.
And if you feel led to financially support me, here's a link to me gofundme account: https://www.gofundme.com/dustykidneytransplant . medicine and expenses for this isn't cheap, plus I'll be out of work for 8-10 weeks. Any help would be appreciated, but if you don't feel led to support financial, you can at least lift us up in prayer.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this. God Bless.
- Dusty, a geek under grace.
I'll be blunt about myself. I'm a control freak. I like having a Plan A in place, and if Plan A doesn't work, I have back up Plans B Through Plan Z. Prep Time. Having things, be it plans or tools, on hand to take care of whatever life throws at me. But the last year, God has really taken a hammer to my whole Control Freak Nature. And believe it's been honestly the biggest war between my flesh and spirit I've had since the Holy Spirit washed over me when I was 18 years old, calling me to the Father.
Those that may not know me reading this, I was born with one kidney, and up until spring of last year, I've kept it fairly well under control. That all changed with a doctor's visit, and my nephrologist informed me that my kidney function has started a slow decline, it was time to find a new kidney.
What?
I tried. I really did. I tried to work up a Plan A, which failed instantly, and continued on to failure of plan after plan, some times right off the drawing board. A prophetic friend of mine had told me some months prior that a storm was coming in my life. But I brushed it off. My faith in God and my prep time planning, I'd be good. Boy, was I wrong...
Testing, and testing, and hoop after hoop, and interesting yet frightening info as I researched to prepare myself. It wasn't till a couple months of struggle that I came to realize... I had no control over this at all. I could do nothing to stop my Kidney from degrading. I couldn't even make plans, because I had no idea how long I would be jumping through these blessed hoops, when I'd be finished and when/if I would be on the National Kidney Transplant Waiting List. And even then, I didn't know how long I would have to wait. But then, when God provided a donor, a dear sister in Christ who is showing in great deal what loving your neighbor as yourself looks like, every single plan was continued to be smashed as they kept throwing more and more tests at her...
I had NO IDEA what was going to happen tomorrow. or the next day. I couldn't prepare. I couldn't plan. I was helpless and honestly felt hopeless.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I had faith that God would see me through, I had faith that God allowed this for a reason. I even used it to reach loved ones I know who did not know the saving grace of Christ Jesus. but along with that, there was the control freak in me having a break down.
I asked myself every night... what was I going to do?
So, I finally did what I should have done to begin with. I realized, the control freak was a fantasy. all those prep time plans, all those schedules, all those ideas and plans, God simply allowed me to have my way for a season. And he was using this to not hurt me. he wasn't unfaithful or unforgiving. He was teaching me. He was sanctifying me. He was making me who I need to be going forward.
When I was praying and asking why this was going on... God turned me to proverbs. and this hit me right between the eyes... "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." (Proverbs 19:11)
Many were the plans in my mind. But end of the day... it's God's purpose that'll happen.
Not to go political, but why is it so many Christians in America say they have complete faith in God, but completely freak out at the thought of what would happen if Hillary Clinton had been elected? Why are others, like me, nervous about what President Trump is going to do or tweet next? Why are we so concern about even our "Rights"? God never promised us right to anything. He never even promised right to worship. The very first church met in secret, because they were being hunted by the government. No, he never promised us any of that, BUT he promised to be faithful. He promised to see us through to however it ends. He promised to be right with us.
He never promised that I wouldn't struggle with my kidney disease. He never promised to heal me instantly with no pain or suffering. He never promised an easy pain-free road. But he promised to walk it with us, he promised to be right by our side, around us and within us, all the way.
Isaiah wrote "He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
In Philippians 4, Paul testified, "And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus" note, our needs. We won't get all our wants. but we will have our needs met.
Jesus himself promised in the Gospel of John, chapter 14: "I am leaving you with a gift- Peace of Mind and Heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
Are things ever going to go the way I plan? Sometimes. Sometimes not. But one thing I have come to learn. HE is God and I am not. His plans will never fail. His promises will never fade. And I am His son, and with that I have been given a peace in the heart of chaos. Because yes, insanity happens in this fallen world. But it is not beyond his control, and he allows it for reasons beyond our simple human understandings. Sometimes he allows us to look back and see what blessings were formed from our trials and troubles. Sometimes they're used to bless others, to be a light and guide for someone who was in the same mess we were, other times, like I'm certain this past year has been for me, it is to sanctify me, to teach me to let loose of my own control (which I am still wrestling with by the way) and allow us to submit to the leadership of the Father. I'm not in the image of Christ yet by no means, but looking back over the last year, I can see the changes in my life, the positive changes. And I know they're of God. It took a storm, one I'm not out of just yet, but there is reason. there is purpose. there is Hope. And all of it is in Christ Jesus.
I close in asking prayer for my kidney transplant surgery, which God has provided through a dear sister in Christ willing to give of herself out of love for me. The date is scheduled for August 15, 2017. My soul is excited but my flesh is fearful. so pray for me, pray for my donor, Debbie Cate, the doctors and nurses involved in our surgery, and pray for our families.
And if you feel led to financially support me, here's a link to me gofundme account: https://www.gofundme.com/dustykidneytransplant . medicine and expenses for this isn't cheap, plus I'll be out of work for 8-10 weeks. Any help would be appreciated, but if you don't feel led to support financial, you can at least lift us up in prayer.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this. God Bless.
- Dusty, a geek under grace.
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